Grief Loss Article

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Grief Loss Article: Dealing with Grief

What is Grief?

If you are reading this grief loss article you may have suffered the loss of a loved one and as a result, are experiencing deep sadness. This sadness is grief, emotionally painful but natural, and in most cases, a healthy response to a loss. Grieving should not be prevented or avoided, rather it should be respected. People who are grieving need and should have support to help them through the process.

When does grief occur?

Whether pain due to loss, is referred to as mourning, grieving, or bereavement there are good reasons for it. Some reasons are:

• The death of a loved one.
• Loss of health/chronic disease reducing the quality of life.
• Loss of an important relationship.

Are there different kinds of grief?

We all experience grief differently which means that outwardly, our behaviors differ; some may cry while others fall silent. When my mother died I thought my dad held no love for her because he did not cry, while I sobbed incessantly. Later I realized that he withdrew, sitting head in hands, absorbed in his memories and grief; this was his way of dealing with the loss of his deeply loved wife.

Where our external reactions to loss are different, our emotional and psychological responses are the same or similar. Research by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross shows that we go through five stages of grieving. Once loss is recognized you can move through stages to a place of acceptance, and accepting reality does not mean diminished love.

Sometimes death is expected and feelings of relief occur hand-in-hand with grief, especially if the loved one was suffering, as was the case with my mother who was inflicted with a chronic illness. In this case, feelings of loss start long before the passing and thus acceptance, the final stage, may occur sooner. If death is without warning or under violent circumstances, acceptance could take longer. Both are normal.

What stages and feelings can I expect?

The five stages of grief that Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified in many of her grief loss articles and studies, are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.

Going through the stages, depending on the person, does not always occur in a rigid order. Sometimes, you bounce from one stage to another, out of order, or just when you think you are done with one stage, it recurs. Also, feelings from various stages can occur at the same time. For example, you can feel anger and bargain with God at the same time. The process is not an exact science but the ultimate goal is to accept reality and heal.

All these variations, unfortunately, are normal. Grief is normal.

Grief, churning on the inside, can manifest into symptoms on the outside, some being sleep or appetite disturbances, incessant crying, withdrawal, and/or preoccupation with the deceased. Long term denial of feelings like anger, grief or guilt can result in physical illness.

How to begin to heal?

"Time heals all wounds" is the cliche that tends to be true, but only because time allows us to move through the stages to acceptance, that is if we allow it. Acute grief usually lasts about two months but milder symptoms can last about a year, sometimes more.

Just because grief is normal does not mean you have to linger in it unnecessarily, there are things that may help:

• Jot down your thoughts and don't worry about spelling and grammar, just get it down. Sometimes even write to the deceased. Just get your feelings out as this process allows deeply buried thoughts to surface. Gradually, try to write more positive memories and thoughts until your entries are all positive, especially those about yourself. Even writing a eulogy or a grief loss article of your own, even long after the funeral, helps the healing process.
• Read, as you are doing now, about grief and healing. There are many great grief-loss articles online.
• If forgiveness is an issue, make a conscious effort to give it.
• Meditate if it suits your personality, and if it doesn't, give it a try anyway.
• Take physical care of yourself - healthy eating, proper sleep, and exercise.
• See your family doctor if you can't deal with grief, are self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, are very depressed, or if depression interferes with daily living. Your doctor will probably ask you questions - be sure you are forthcoming about everything. They may run some tests or make recommendations that will help. They will also know of mental health professionals who can assist if necessary. Psychological help is especially important for those who cannot experience a grief reaction or who cannot move through the stages.
• Talking with clergy, meet-up groups, grieving support groups, and close friends are all options by which you can give and receive support and kindness.

Are complications possible?

Awareness of complications means awareness of symptoms that affect overall health. Grief can lead to depression which can bring about excessive alcohol or drug use, or other self-sabotaging behaviors. If severe grief interferes with daily living and lasts for more than two months it could mean you are experiencing a major depression. Medical help is a must and be aware that medication may be needed to break the cycle.

What else can help?

Presenting a eulogy is particularly helpful because it focuses on happy times, gratitude, positive qualities and/or good memories. A eulogy is a crucial healing tool, which helps us to grow past the negative and into a place of peace. People experiencing grief and having difficulty writing a eulogy can seek help with this healing message. Writing and presenting a eulogy can take place any time, whether at the funeral service, a memorial or years later when public speaking is unlikely. If you are writing when the eulogy will not be publicly presented, do share it with others; knowing that others care about the deceased and your feelings helps.

The End

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Last Word Eulogies offers words that honor and celebrate
a life and touch the hearts of those listening.

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